Life Changes & Big Decisions.

So I went to a birth yesterday morning. I was paged at 148am and I jumped out of bed ready to bring new life into the world. (and happy to be making some money!!) Over the last few years, I haven't done as many births as I had in the past because of doing private nursing with kids in their homes. It was too hard to do both so I put home birth on the back burner. I enjoyed the kids I took care of, the hours were more consistent, but the work never really fired me up like home birth did. Last October, as some of you know, I had a 'situation' occur and I took some time off from private duty and worked only doing births. Unfortunately, there just wasn't enough work to be had with Home First so I started dipping my toe back into agency work. I got in touch with the agencies I'm on staff with and began inquiring about jobs. I set up a few appointments to go and see some kids, but ended up having to cancel them the day before I went (this happened twice). I would get really anxious about going and then end up not going.

Yesterday, after the baby was born and things settled down, I sat at the mom's table doing paperwork. Mom was sitting in her rocking chair nursing her newborn and her other young children were gathered around her admiring their new sister. It was then that the thought hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what I do...this is what I'm good at...and I love it. This is what I need to do. It fills my heart to be with these families and to help these moms who have chosen to bring their babies into the world peacefully in their own homes. I couldn't ask for better work. God has blessed me with giving me the skills and knowledge to do this work and do it well.

Which leads me to the 'Big Decision'. I've decided that I'm not going back to private duty nursing at this time. Maybe sometime in the future I'll feel ready to try it again but for now its all about home birth for me. I'm weepy as I type this because I feel so relieved and unburdened to have made this decision. Altho, things may be a little tight financially at times for me, I'm going to make it work. (Thank God I got me a husband!!) Chuck has assured me over and over that things will be fine. He is always so positive that things will work out and I'm so very grateful to have him. (153, baby!)

So, there you have it.....comments anyone?